I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
