if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
