I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize