Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
