I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
