How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
