4 words: hood of his car
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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