i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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