i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
