do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
