yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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