Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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