All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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