After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
