Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
