He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
