I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
