It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize