You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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