how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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