she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize