your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
