I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
