My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
