those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
