Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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