Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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