it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
