Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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