there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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