hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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