I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
