I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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