she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
