My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
