# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
