GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
