Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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