Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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