just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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