yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
