My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
