Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
