My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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