But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
