Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
40s are totally the cure
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
