I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
