people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize