So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
