Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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