If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize