babies were throwing up all over the place
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize