I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
