true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
