we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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