Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
