fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I believe in your delicious
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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