Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
