You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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