Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
