Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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