I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
