I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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